BURNOUT!!!

The first two posts have been about illness and toxic relationships and in my case the intermingling of the two....which leads to the climactic conclusion that I had indeed reached a burnout point within the last 3 years enter -------> 19th nervous breakdown, the rolling stones

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buVA49rlMV8


I feel hopeful and confident that I can rectify this at one point in my life enter ------->dog days are over, florence and the machine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TwqE2X55Wg

but how did I get to this point??

well I was a single mother of one attending university part time and working a night job to begin with.....
then I met someone and had two more children whilst still attending university and helping to raise a stepchild
then after that broke down because guess what?? that was a toxic relationship too....betcha weren't expecting that clanger...no wait it gets worse....please read on.....enter ------> seasons in the abyss, slayer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUDEOdEcBgE

after spending a couple of years stewing and feeling embittered thinking that I would never do that again since the last bout brought a family law court case and a whole lot of mind games.......enter------->welcome to my nightmare, alice cooper, with the muppets

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71hVIGjvuVY

I met brilliant yet impractical childhood screwed man....wheeeeeeee.....this was a year of arguing about what if he want to buy a grand piano and what if he want to change the room around and him being angry because the walk on the beach was not romantic enough because I was too thirsty for the drink in the car to walk at a more leisurely pace.....the limpet man who followed a mere two months afterward enter ------->stand and deliver, adam and the ants

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1j7bOVEew0

there will be more about the limpets but for now I want to answer a question that surely must be posed: if I were to believe I was blameless in all these toxic relationships then surely I must be lying or guilty of lying to myself......

am I toxic?? YES!!! I enable every bad behaviour for everyone else by making excuses for them when I won't allow myself the same pleasure and when I finally do become so over and beyond the bullshit and finally cut it off.....(this makes me a bit of a bullshitter).... I make up names for these people and ascribe them names such as limpet and brilliant yet impractical childhood screwed man.....well really the first part is the toxic bit....I only made their names up here so they would remain un-named comical figures just as I have appropriately named myself :)


I actually function and play and maintain friendships quite well when not in a relationship....because I give myself time to re-group and maintain a level of balance.....an introvert by nature will seek alone time to find strength.....it is extremely hard to do that while in a relationship with someone who will always have greater needs than yourself.

so what have I learnt here??

there is hope beyond burnout

anyone can overcome bitterness

always take a drink to the beach if your partner is expecting a leisurely stroll

relationships that are not fully recovered from can lead into a whole new kind of shitfight if another is entered too soon

alone time is good