How did I get here, and where are my underpants?

today is a day like any other day. I should be renovating, cleaning, house-prouding and sensibling.....I just can't be bothered extending the energy until I have done some cerebral hard drive cleaning. I started out this morning getting a thorough dressing down from the doctor for letting a low grade bladder infection turn into a low grade blood poisoning. I told him that it didn't see to make any difference to the way that I have felt for years anyway and that I am actually feeling better than normal. The coincidence of my illness starting and the commencement of a truly hilarious relationship is fact or fiction?? My love for a different kinds of music are punctuation here....the links to youtube songs inserted appropriately are usually dwelled upon at any given time through the journey...although some are just to break up the boredom

For the last few years I have had some strange autoimmune disorder that will flare up and cause all kinds of mischief, ie athsma attacks, migraines, arthritis symptoms, rashes, blah de blah....it is all rather dull to listen to and even duller to try to explain without wanting to slip into a bath of diazepam and eat your way out. It can be excruciatingly painful and immobilising, but for the sake of a blog I will endevour not to dwell there....soooooo boring!!. (The doctor still is yet to figure what this illness is......I have large red blood cells and need more tests)..... I like to refer to them as the stupid allergies. enter-------> touch me I'm sick!!! mudhoney

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNj7ZyZy7cw

Over these same few years I have also been symptomed by having a limpet like man with his limpet family around the house from which I have managed to eradicate myself from within the last 8 months. My interactions with him over relationship time period have been hilarious if seen by me as an outsider. However I have come to realise that sick kind of humour is partially a reason as to why I am still visiting a doctor over these things and not giving too much of a damn whether I can function or not. So in all manner of cautionary tales, please don't try at home with a limpet. Fortunately in the last 7 months I have only had a few relapses. I will add gems from this relationship from time to time...

These relapses take form in paying too much attention to "sick humour". Within four days of getting limpet man out of the house (which suprisingly only took me putting most of his clothes in a puddle....I had actually been asking, pleading and begging him to go for the last 3 years) anyway I digress...within four days of the puddle dumping and exorcism of the house I met up with an old "friend" for coffee with whom I started a relationship with shortly thereafter (another source of amusement)---------> enter the muffin man!!!! Frank Zappa


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcm7uJ74XFI

he don't bear too much talking about as I learned fairly early on that he had not yet reached puberty emotionally (I think I am being too lenient).....WTF was I thinkin'?? exit the muffin man enter------->die by the sword, slayer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlqBmFofuO4

I also ran into another old "friend" just after the break up and subsequent exorcism with whom I thought I had some affiliation to....apparently not it seems...what seems sweet on the outside and offers a hand of friendship out of neediness can sometimes be the waterloo for your benevolence.....ok...lets break that last sentence down......it doesn't really make much sense out of context. I thought we had a lot in common and I was looking for a friend since I was on my own after a long exhausting relationship. enter------>message in a bottle, police

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5G2LtPvPemw&feature=PlayList&p=B4A3B3E332DB259D&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=5


I was to give her a lot of excess stuff that I didn't need anymore....mutually beneficial I thought.....I was to buy her a computer when hers was taken away and she would pay me for it in the next week....also mutually beneficial I thought as we could keep in contact...that was in August....I finally received money for it in January all good so far?? No....my own stupidity in "selling" her a car in November knowing that she hadn't yet paid for the computer led to me taking the car back in January.....enter------> shaft(ed) Isaac Hayes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAa5rP64YbQ


so I kinda felt shitty about taking the car but when I think about the fact that she had more money at her disposal than I it started me down another track of feeling shitty. It also started to make me feel ill again. I woke up feeling like I had been in a car accident and started to realise that this was indeed a pattern of me not standing up for myself....I had started to do exactly what I had done in my last relationship and that was to feel physically ill again. enter-----> honey bucket, the melvins


FUCK!! .................I'm a martyr!!!!???? That was the day that I took my unpaid car back and set about blocking all negative limpet like activities out of my life....don't need status updates on my facebook page telling me about how this or that isn't working and how bored/lonely/in pain/fucked in the head...blah...also don't need undercurrent bullshit/passive aggressive trying to make me angry blurbs on my page either thank you very much!!......so onward and upward :D

lessons learned so far on the way to wellness??
Only give what you can afford to let go of.
Caring about yourself =caring for others
sick humour is probably for the sick....undecided??
don't let other peoples bullshit scripts run your play
being alone is so much preferable to toxic relationships
enjoy the smaller things.....from little things big things grow :)


we will see