this pic says it all for me right now











oooooh

today after a gut load of antibiotics I feel like hurling and super tired...bleah!!

so catharsis is in order.....if I retrieve from the memory banks and spew forth ------>

I remember a time of my ridiculously hilarious relationship with the limpet man...I had cracked a disc in my lower back from rendering a room downstairs (I picked up a small bag of cement) so his daughter could have a room of her own here.....this was the beginning of the autoimmune disorder too enter------> hallelujah, jeff buckley

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIF4_Sm-rgQ

When I cracked the disc I lost sensation in the nerves for my poo function and sexual function.....whoa!!! that was strange....3 weeks of going to the toilet and pushing and wondering if I was ever going to go......and another 3 taking nulax...a fruit laxative to ensure it....I was indeed full of shit!! enter-------> oh shit, the buzzcocks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9He5PY9pQo

since it was valentines recently this is a particularly fond memory....since it was the last time I got a valentines gift.....Valentines day had come somewhere in amongst all of the "shit fight"....I get a box of sexy toys with a love you forever sweetheart card in them.....fluffy handcuffs, painting chocolate, dice to say where to lick, kiss etc, in which room.....let's just remember I had ZERO sexual sensation whatsoever .....enter--------> bobby brown, frank zappa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mtReYO5BGo

..... Valentines night; possum in the headlights...can we see what this was going to end in?? yes that's right...TEARS...not mine....TEARS, torrents and torrents.......I spent valentines soothing limpet man for his endless loving romantic gesture and my apparent lack of tact or diplomacy.... enter--------> you fucked up, ween

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azuS2RCAQHE

now....for some reason most people I know think that I am a person who will stand up for myself and indeed I am....but trying to live a philosophy of "do no harm" seems to be at odds.....stand and fight or sit down and be patient while people surely must figure it out for themselves....right??

wrong!!

I watched a little film the other day by Hitchcock called Notorious....there was a scene in it where Ingrid Bergman was made aware that she was being poisoned by her "captive" but by that stage it was too late and she had become bedridden and looking down the barrel of doom, gloom, death and general fucked upness...


.....a trip to the local allergy doctor confirmed that I should start an elimination diet avoiding every single food group. My diet?? rare steak, potatoes, beans and brussel sprouts.....I was on this diet for an entire year every day for breakfast lunch and dinner save the occasional pear or buckwheat pancake with golden syrup!! the doctor explained to me that everyone has an intolerance to all foods and their naturally occuring chemicals.....it's just that some become more so than others and varying degrees.....

how can I assume that the toxicity of the relationship has anything to do with the toxicity of autoimmune disorder?? I don't....it still doesn't make for any good story apart from the fact that within 2 weeks of the clothes puddle dumping my feet miraculously cleared up from oozing redness, my demenour had changed completely with new found hope and I was even brave enough to try a curry and had NO ILL SIDE EFFECTS!!! Well I'm fucking converted anyway :)




lessons learnt from todays exercise

there may be places that you really don't want to talk about ie; the limpet man and his endless amounts of romanticism and how your poo won't work...but letting go so to speak can take form in many different ways...it doesn't smell so bad from virtual land....and it is indeed very dark comedy...